gonna go crazy on you.

the month in review... so august started out pretty well. i was spreading the word about my birthday month, like i always do. i even made cupcakes for the workers on august 1st. i was in full celebration mode. one of the first nights of the month, i called an apartment we had found on craigslist that looked perfect for us. the man i spoke with was very nice, but he basically told me that dust and claudia and i were going to live in the ghetto. we would have to live in a place where we wouldn't be able to go outside after 5:30. i was a little freaked and started looking into tickets to get out to california. it was more than 400$ to get there and back, and i would miss my own birthday due to travel time. i freaked out a little more. but i was convinced i could keep us out of the west coast the ghettos. no we come to the 12th... our friend forrest had been going to open houses for us in california (thank you, forrest!). we had filled out rental applications, given all our financial info to strangers and been turned down rudely by one home owner, and one called us up to say she had so much interest in the house that she had decided to re post the house for 400$ more a month, and were we interested?. we had to say no because it brought the rent up to 2400$ a month. that is a big chunk of change. then on the 12th i get a phone call from my school saying that my transcript for my online chemistry classes had gotten there, but my grades were funny, could i call them back? i called. (i was told from the university of new england that they had recorded my second semester of organic chem as a "B" just as earned. but i was told that the 70% i earned in organic one would be a "C". i was fine. my grades would transfer and all would be merry.) the admissions woman at my school, told me that my believed "C" was recorded as a C- and would not transfer and did i retake the course? i hung up the phone and just erupted. all the stress of moving across the country and going to school and getting so much money in loans and bringing my friends to see me fail all came out. i called my mom, bawled. i was genuinely scared. i left a message for my online teacher, i emailed him, too. no word. so i did the same the next morning. (it was a long night. i had come to terms with retaking the class in two weeks, but i struggled with why i was dragging two people across the country with me to watch me fail at achieving my dream. it was a long night.) the 13th, karen and jack take the workers to six flags. i love rides and roller coasters. they are pretty much my favorite things in the world, but my gut was in knots after a night of no sleep, and i really felt horrible. so i rode half what everyone else did, and i was pretty quiet and reserved for amusement park me. we got home just after 6 and i found out my teacher had called and the grade was recorded wrong, and he had changed it. we are still waiting on the new transcript, but he assures me it has been done. with less than one week to go until my first day to be thirty one, i was relieved that i was no longer dragging two folks and two cats across the country, and i just might not fail. so what if we all had to live in the car?! i cancelled the birthday party. it was to be a robot party. and everyone would have to dress up. that had to go because i needed to have a garage sale to get rid of some stuff, and i needed to throw quinn a bridal shower. this would happen in the weekend following my birthday. i spent the birthday week gathering things for the garage sale, pricing them, et c. on the birthday, we went to boston with claudia and ate lunch in the north end (italian food). we had wine at lunch. it was nice. we went shopping and i got boots at the fluevog store. pretty much a good a day. hands down the best day of the month so far. we had no real worries. we were in the city, and life was good. we met up with friends at the people's pint in greenfield for dinner. it was good. the next day (the twentieth) the cousins came up from connecticut, that was good. we went to see tropic thunder with them. i think they loved it. they left the next day. friday was my last day of work at the farm. it was pretty uneventful, but it was sunny and warm. it was claudia's last day, too. and i think all in all the whole thing ended just as it should have. no real fanfare, a few hugs and well wishes from customers, it was pretty good. but dust came in around 4 to give the standies their checks for the week. he just hovered over me while i was checking some poor customer out. when i was done, i handed the register over and went to talk to dust. something was obviously up. he told me we had gotten a house that forrest had talked us up to the owners. i was shocked. it took a good hour for me to realize we had a place to live. by five thirty claudia and i were excited and by six, closing time, we were a little petrified by the fact that we were now out of work, and had a very large rent to pay every month for a year. so i think things have worked themselves out. we are pretty excited to see where we will live. it is strange to send a four thousand dollar check across the country for a house you have never seen. but it will be good. saturday was full too. we had the garage sale. i made a whopping 20 some odd bucks. i got a sun burn. i sat int he yard all day and drank a margarita at 11:45 with claudia. we were successes. that night we had a sort of customer appreciation dinner at the farm, and came home to friends ready to play rock band. it was pretty good. sunday we woke up and went to move allison and jeremy into their new home. then hilary came over and took me to get groceries so we could make the food for quinn's shower. i spent the rest of the birthday money, but i think it was worth it. people seemed to have a good time and most of the food was eaten. yesterday we started packing the house. the movers will be here friday between 12 and 5 pm. then we are free to do whatever. until then i will get everything ready to go. now you should be up to date on what has happened. and what stress we have been through. why we have been a little down or out of it when you talked to us. we have really had a full plate this month. but we are in a better place now. we are moving forward in all of our plans. we have a place to live, the loans are good to go at my school, dust got his job back at the farmer's market. things are looking up. so what that i didn't have a real birthday party. or that things were not as easy as i like them to be. we are good now.

busy, that is all i can say, busy

i have been going pretty much nonstop for the past month. you know i am telling the truth because i almost put my birthday on hold. no huge celebration, amazing for me, but we did make it to boston and 15 or so of my nearest and dearest made it to one of my favorite restaurants for dinner on the big day. dust was a complete gem on the big day. i woke up to a shiny new wii fit of my very own, and he took the day off to go to boston wit claudia and i. i was so happy because dust hasn't really taken my birthday off work before. i felt so special! i will tell more stories soon. right now we are going to panda with karen. delish!

picture update

my favorite 5 year old, sebastian.


quinn and i try on dresses at pamela moore's bridal shoppe.


no one has seen our home. here are some pictures of it. large rooms with hardwood floors. lot of empty space. lots!




that picture with the view from the window is where we want to one day build a home. that hill. just above the tree line there.



nothing beats a rock band party on a sunday afternoon. trust me. nothin!


dustin's grandma came for a visit. his cousins came up. it was a big week.



kristin's dog, carmina, ate her first ice cream cone. she has eaten many since. who doesn't love ice cream?

new post

tomorrow it is off to see claudia show cows at the cheshire county fair. she has won best in show for the past few years, so karen and dust and i are taking the day off to go to the fair. none of us have ever seen a cow show before, so we should be in for a treat. i am excited.
today was a good day. i worked with abby which is always the best. allison and the boys came by at lunch to tell me they get to close on their new home on august 12th. that is so exciting. then they are set for a whirlwind month. getting things ready, moving in, etc. should be fun to watch and help. then after work karen made us dinner and we talked to the caterers for a work party. we are looking to set a dinner for the best customers,and the proceeds will go to charity. should be good. it is being catered by the people who catered our rehearsal dinner. yummy!
kristin is off to the dominican to see her honey for 10 days. that is good for her. we finally got around to giving her a card and a check. we are such slackers, but we do get things done.
i am starting my scholarship papers for my school. i stand to win 3500 in free money. i just have to write a few papers. one on "i believe i should get this scholarship because..." for that one i wanted to do a little something like bill clinton's speech about still believing in a place called hope. only have it based on the fact that i have lived in putney for five years and gotten to know the people so well through the farm...and how we as a community support each other, and how they need me to be a chiropractor... "i still believe in a place called dummerston" we'll call it. :)
the second paper is about "the adversities and awards i have accumulated on my to chiropractic school." i was going to write about how i have never been mistaken for the valedictorian, and i almost have several undergraduate degrees including the one i actually received in journalism, and how i can use all these random skills i have learned in my desired field of chiropractic.
if you guys have any ideas i would love to hear them. really. please help. i need free money. i will talk to you all soon!
xoxo

it is out there

dust and i finally had "the talk". the one where i address all my issues and he listens (or not, but i think he does, so he does a good job at pretending). i had a tough week. i think i have plantar fasciitis ( described earlier), couple that with my job...it is just to much to bear sometimes. he is right i do take my emotions out on him. i just hope he knows that he gets the brunt of all of my happiness as well as my frustration. but i am sure my happiness is interpreted as me "overreacting." while i am not completely sure that our talk will help anything or that it was even good, i no longer feel like divorce is imminent. so that is good.
i also have three and a half tidbits of good news. here is the first--my dear friends are officially going to own their own home. their kids will have a yard, they will have a real garden, they will have next door neighbors (instead of upstairs neighbors), they will have colorful walls, and a new refrigerator... i am so excited for the hott little monsters, i just can't stand it.
my brother also bought a home. i am equally excited for him and his wife and daughter. they will now be in california for at least as long as we will be. it will be nice to be close to my family again. but he will be half an hour further away than before. but that is still closer than 3000 miles. it is so funny because i remember when my brother was born, when he would sleep in my dad's white t shirts--they were so big, and he looked like an angel. looks are deceiving with that one, though, and i look forward to getting to tell that baby emma all the silly stories about her father. starting in one month.
melissa got a job. a real job. i can't say i've ever known melissa to have a proper job. so i am excited for her. she will be moving to the bay area by mid august, now. she was planning on being there by october, but fate has a way of looking out for me, because now she will be there to scope out apartments for dust and claudia and i. i think melissa will love working. she will hate (and i mean HATE) waking up in the am hours, but she will be a success, and that will make up for it.
the half bit of good news comes from the fact that our friend from work, heidi pancake (real name) won some tickets to an amusement park in new hampshire, and gave them to dust and i. i love roller coasters. so i can't wait. i hope it works out. --we'll see.
those are my three and a half tidbits of goods. i hope they are not done. (the goods) lord knows, i need all the help i can get.

been a while

so here are the main points that have happened:
1. work.
2. ryan came for a visit. stayed a day longer than he planned. that was nice to have him here.
3. showed the batman begins on the big screen here at the house. fun night.
4. got manicures with one hott mama.
5. went to burlington with quinn. (later that week was featured with said q in a commercial for her work.)
6. played a lot of rock band. love that game.
7. think i have plantar fasciitis. it is where the bottom of your foot hurts really bad when your foot is straightened out (like standing on it) due to micro tears in the fascia (the part that holds muscle to skin). basically, ouch! especially when my job title is "standee".
8. saw batman first night. recommend.
9. saw hellboy II. also liked, but batman is better.
10. lost power here for 2+ hours and made weird passes at jimmy valente as dustin took away the only flashlight (what can i say, there was mood lighting.)
11. got tickets to california (september 3rd).
12. looking for a moving van.
13. dreamed about a new couch from ikea.
14. made a b in my online organic chem class. two words--summer and vacation come to mind.
15. started reading a new pink book. pink books have not been a part of my life since january. i say it is high time they got reintroduced.
16. lost a lot of sleep due to potential move and school and loans for said school.
17. tubed in the west river--twice. the first time no bruises. the second time, the water was lower and bruises appeared where my f-a had dragged itself into rocks. another ouch.
18. talked to parents, jamie and melissa recently. parents are redoing their yard, jamie had a birthday and melissa may have gotten a job. all three are reasons to celebrate--just in case you needed a reason.
19. the hott mama and her monstrous love may have actually bought a home. i am really excited for them.
20. kristin got married to kelvin. he is still in the d. r. and may be there for two years, but at least he can come here again one day.
these are the top 20 things that have happened. no order. just as i thought of them. if you have questions, or want more details on one, just let me know.
xoxo
clangfo

why is it that...

so i have a friend (this one is real. not like the others.)...this friend is feeling scared because he has everything he has worked for a year and a half to get. he is scared that these things will be taken away. he is scared because his grand mother is in the hospital. he is scared because he is paranoid. so i told him that his grandmother is not looking back on her life right now thinking about all the times she worried about something. and then i told him that even if he looses everything he has accumulated (a positive female relationship, a record contract, good times with friends...) all these things can be gotten again. am i right? just looking for back up. why when things are going are way do we worry? i do it. do you do it? creepy stenographer here, gets worried when things are wonderful. why? am i paranoid, too. of course i am. but why? do you get it, too. why can we not just revel in what we worked so hard to achieve? why can we not be proud of the fact that we have relationships, steady work (or not steady work--hm), we are happy with our current situation. why does there always have to be more,and why do we worry about it? you be my therapist. thanks team.